Just Another Phase
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I wasn't joking when I told you, you take my breath awaySeptember 16, 2010

Dear Readers,

Thanks for dropping by every once in a while. I'd like you to know that this is me, but it's not ALL of me. All the content is mulled over and heavily filtered before I hit the 'Publish Post' button so as to make it appropriate for all audiences, so it's not like I carelessly post the first thing that comes to my mind. The content is carefully and purposely chosen to express my thoughts, and I'd appreciate it if you don't form ideas of the type of person I am based only on this blog.

This will be the last post. I wanted to write a proper goodbye instead of leaving it hanging. I won't delete anything because I stand by everything that I've mentioned here. Whoever stumbles upon this blog in the future will know just a small part of who Nashira was at age 18.

Thanks for your time.


{ Just promise me you'll think of me every time you look up in the sky and see a star }



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You and IAugust 19, 2010
I woke up feeling sort of guilty for buying myself pretty heels instead of investing in a pair of neutral-coloured flats yesterday, but when we received our results for our May/June exams, I felt that the shoes were a well-deserved present to myself. Out of eight papers, I only had one unsatisfactory result!

I hope your results were as good as you wanted them to be! However, if they were anything short of your expectations, don't worry! Retake as many papers as you feel necessary, keeping in mind how much time is left before your next exams. Whatever you do, don't underestimate yourself. I'm sure everyone is capable of achieving much more than they think, but with a negative mentality, you won't get yourself very far. I strongly believe that it's all a matter of perception. Always stay positive because your mind-set plays a huge role on the amount of effort you put into your studies. It's also important to have some sort of motivation or goal to help you keep going, to help you strive to reach your aim.

I always tell myself,
Keep your head in the game and your eyes on the prize.

What's the point of driving yourself mad with stress when you only live once? Is it worth it?

By the way, I'm back on Formspring. You can ask me anything here.

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To striveAugust 12, 2010
I know I told myself I'd rarely go online. I told you that I'd rarely see my friend, the Internet. Yet here I am... visiting said friend... Please don't hate me :(

The thing is, I know myself well enough to expect me to take 'study breaks' far more often than I deserve them. BUT what matters more to me than getting straight A's is improvement. I think it's so important to set a goal for yourself, be it long-term and life-changing or daily yet vital, and at the end of the day be able to say, 'I might not have achieved my goal today, but I will continue to endeavour until I get what I want.' Personally, I have great satisfaction in crossing off elements on to-do lists; that alone is enough of an incentive to get things done. Teehee, I am easily amused :)

I basically just wanted to say that though I haven't completely curbed my thirst for the Internet, I've toned down my usage considerably. Mind, I need to check my e-mail and Facebook almost daily as they're some of the ways of communicating with my parents. So yes, I do go on Facebook, but I mostly ignore my notifications and the News Feed.

P.S.
I'm converting to British English, so if you could be so kind as to point out where I spell something wrong, I'd appreciate it. For seven years of my life I studied at two different American schools. That is my excuse.

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@ 2:41 AM; back to the top

Dear Internet,August 9, 2010

We've been friends for a long time, but I've come to realize that you're no good for me. I think it's best if we both took a break from each other and tried out other things.. Don't get me wrong, this isn't goodbye! I'll still check you out every now and then, but mostly I'll stick to my newly purchased Jane Eyre and Sense and Sensibility if I need a break from my textbooks.

Yours faithfully,
Nashira

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@ 5:41 PM; back to the top

Couch PotatoAugust 4, 2010
Hello all :)

I wanted to go to the gym today. No, not in the 'I want to go to the gym, but then I end up not going at all' way. I actually got in my work-out gear (sweats and Converse, really) and had my water bottle and sweat towel ready. I even walked the short distance to the building. Before I could leave the elevator I took, two of my friends got in and told me that there were too many people waiting for the treadmills and other jog-machines(?). Therefore I didn't even step out of the elevator. Instead, I trudged back to my room and resumed the task of being a bum. And yes, I do find it ironic that even though I planned to exercise, I chose the elevator against walking up and down four flights of stairs.

For when I do manage to get all the way in the gym, I like to listen to 'Tik Tok' while I jog/cycle because every time I feel like I can't take it any more, Ke$ha tells me 'Don't stop! make it pop, DJ blow my speakers up'. Therefore I feel that I really shouldn't stop. Indeed, this might just be the only way to keep me on the jog-machines long enough to break a sweat.

Do you have any suggestions for work-out music? or songs that you like listen to while exercising? Leave me a comment in the comment box ...if you want :)

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@ 12:21 AM; back to the top

Someone please fix that broken recordJuly 16, 2010
Okay, I've finally snapped out of my emo reverie. I think it started the day Brother Bear left, which also happened to be the last day I got to see most of my family before they flew back to Jakarta. Nothing was going right. But it was actually a matter of my own perception. See, I was constantly bringing myself down by focusing on everything I felt was slipping away... and I forgot about all the things that I still have.

So as of now, I'm going to ignore what I don't like and move on. I'm a sucker for dwelling on things I should let go, so this is sort of a big deal for me :P I hate when something in the back of my mind is keeping me from being happy because it makes me cranky, and nobody likes that. Moods are contagious. Happiness spreads like warmth, just like bad moods bring down people around you. You wouldn't want others to feel that would you?

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@ 9:58 PM; back to the top

BRAAAPJune 17, 2010
Today was bittersweet--more bitter than it was sweet.

The sweet part was that I took the last of May/June exams! Too bad it wasn't much reason to celebrate, as it was my most unsatisfactory paper >.<

However, that wasn't the worst. I woke up this morning to see a text from Sister Dear telling me that our cat, Kumbang, died :'( If you knew him, you'd be teary-eyed too. He was the most endearing cat that we've had: totally tame, always playful and the perfect size for cuddling. It's such a shame that Sister Dear, Dani-pie and Chickadee only had the pleasure of knowing him for one week :( Even within that short time, Dani-pie grew very attached to Kumbang. I hate when either of my youngest siblings are sad. Anger, frustration, embarrassment.. that's fine. But sadness is not something children should know.


♥

P.S. I went ahead and changed my layout. I hope you like it!

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@ 11:37 PM; back to the top

Uh ohJune 16, 2010
There's no easy way to say this.. I might change my layout again :S This one is so small and cramped, it makes me feel claustrophobic. If/when my blog has yet another makeover, I'll try to stick to it.



Btw, what is up with the 80+ views in two days? Minus at least 20 views on my part when I tried to modify the layout. I wouldn't be surprised if someone is out there refreshing my page just to make the count go higher. Haha, how else would my page be "visited" so many times? But just so you know, I won't make references to my page hits anymore, it's not important.

P.S. If I use pictures from other websites, I usually make the image a link to the source.

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I liedJune 14, 2010
I'm quite the self-obsessed person, and basically, I need the reassurance that people do go to my blog (and read it). So yeah, I got myself a page counter.

Um, other than that.. I have the rest of today and tomorrow to study for my last two exams, which also happen to be the two hardest >.<

On Friday, I'll finally get to see my friends. The day after that, I'll be making my way down to Melaka for the two weeks with la familia :)

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@ 4:32 PM; back to the top

BooyahJune 13, 2010
Hello, all :)

Today I saw my youngest sister for the first time in five and a half months. I've missed her! I've yet to see my younger brother, but I have to wait another week, and by then it will be five months and three weeks since I've seen him!

My sister has the most perfect "tudung face". In my opinion, she has the best chin and cheekbones in the family. And today I noticed that her teeth are really nice too! She's all angles, I tell you. She's got about 0% body fat and a very contagious gummy smile.

While we were at one of my aunt's house, a preview on TV showed a pair of Siamese twins with only one heart in between the two. My sister asked me in the most innocent, child-like manner, do we share a heart? I couldn't help but laugh at her complete oblivion toward the fact that you had to be attached to your sibling to be a Siamese twin, let alone to share an organ.

Half a day with the parentals and my youngest sister was not enough to make up for almost six months of separation. I'm so looking forward to spending two weeks with the whole familia (excluding the father) after I finish with my exams!

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@ 11:54 AM; back to the top

0123456789June 7, 2010
Say hello to my new layout! It's simple, clean and super minimalistic. Granted, you can neither comment nor view my older posts, but these minor details can be overlooked, as there's a comment box in the Your.Thoughts tab and my blog archive the The.Dreamer tab :) Problem solved.


Now, I'd like to sort of explain yesterday's title-less post. It's uh, a smidge depressing? Is that the right word? I don't know.. but I do know that sometimes I can relate to that statement one hundred percent. Mind, this is quite personal; the type of personal that my blog usually is not. When I found that "picture" on someone's Tumblr, I was shocked that someone could so perfectly sum up exactly how I was feeling. Often times I find myself asking, how did I get here? where am I going? what am I doing?

And just as the clouds can threaten us with a thunderstorm but surprise as with a sunny drizzle instead, these thoughts come and go.


I hope everyone's well and enjoying their holidays or getting ready for them :)

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@ 8:05 PM; back to the top

If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at allJune 1, 2010
If someone is different from us, we should accept them for what and who they are. If we like them, fine. If we don’t like them, fine. Either way, let’s not go to the extremes of obsession or rudeness. It doesn’t matter if they’re worldwide celebrities or the rich bitch from school. People are people, just like you and I. It doesn’t matter if they’ve said something mean to us or insulted our cultures. We can stand up for ourselves without offending them. It doesn’t matter if everyone else is doing it. We don’t have to conform if it means stooping to their level.

I say we because it’s something I see almost everyone doing, myself included. By making fun of someone because of something they’re born with, be it a big nose or an unusual voice, aren’t we insinuating that it’s okay to mock their skin colour or ethnic background? Maybe that’s a stretch... but doesn’t one thing lead to another?

Just because we don’t like someone, doesn’t mean we have to hate on them.

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I don't know if it shows, but I'm quite scared of peopleMay 26, 2010
I feel that I owe my blog a real post before I disappear from the Internet for at least 2 weeks, but I really can't find it in me to say more than the title. If I haven't been obvious enough, I haven't had a reason to blog for a couple of weeks now. The last time I went through this phase, I gave up my blog entirely. This time around though, I posted detached pictures just for the sake of keeping my blogging spirit before it dies completely.

Uh yeah, I think I mentioned this before: I have commitment issues. They've plagued me since I was a child. Brother Bear and Sister Dear would hesitate to play Saidina (the Malaysian version of Monopoly) with me because they knew I'd give up soon after all the good sites were bought. Now in my late teens, I still find it hard to make a decision and stick to it. God knows how tired my dad must be of asking me what I want to study later. In high school it was always Accounting, then all of a sudden it became Medicine, then I settled for Environmental Science, then switched to English, then mentally ventured into Interior Design, then considered Food Science, then found out about combined degree courses in Arts and Science, then discovered International Relations.. all the while never completely crossing off the previous options. Ultimately, that leaves me at square one, since I can't even narrow it down to Social Science or Real Science. (I know it's not called Real Science, but I can't remember the word right now.)

Wow, what I thought would be another content-deprived post has turned into a mini auto-biography! That ought to suffice for the lack of posts in the coming 2 weeks. I hope everyone's well and making magic in their exams :)
x

P.S. I'll probably go on Formspring, so feel free to leave me questions there!

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Learn to walk before you runMay 9, 2010
Hi,

I had a couple of driving lessons with Brother Bear, and let me be the first to say that I'm a shit driver. I'll be facing one way and the car will be moving in another direction. I'm also incredibly reluctant to press on the gas pedal, so you can just imagine me going as fast as an automatic vehicle when you first release the handbrake.

I hope everyone's well and studying smart!
:)

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@ 9:58 PM; back to the top

I say potato, You say ubi kentangApril 28, 2010
One of the biggest things I resent about not growing up in Malaysia is how awful my BM is. It wasn't a problem in high school because everyone spoke English, but in college, a lot of the students are good ol' Malay-speaking SPM graduates. I don't even know how to casually ask someone for their name! Nama awak siapa? Siapa nama? I'd really like to blame the language barrier for my deficiency of friends, but I'm not doing so well in my most confident tongue either :P

There are some questions that will obviously arise in the first introductory conversation, questions whose answers may lead to confusion rather than clarity.

Are you Malaysian/Malay/mixed?
I'm Malaysian, despite not ending my sentences with "la", "ma" or "sumore" :P I joke. People have thought me mixed, Arabic, Indian, Egyptian, Sri Lankan and even Indonesian-Indian. The truth is I'm as Malay as Malays get :)

Where are you from?
Admittedly, this question was much easier to answer when I lived out of the country because "Malaysia" was a good enough answer then! Usually I'm from Ampang. That's where I lived for the last three years before moving into my dorm room. Sometimes I'm from Melaka, as that's one of my kampungs and a place I call home. Last week though, I told someone that I was from Cheras. Haha, next I might just be from Perak, which wouldn't be a lie either since that's my other kampung.

Where do you live?
I live on campus.

Where's your house?
I don't have a house, I'm homeless :/ Yeah, I meant it when I said I live on campus. This answer might lead to the question, what do you mean you don't have a house?, which often requires me to relate my life story to strangers-cum-friends (with as little detail as possible).

I know I said I wouldn't blog for a while, but I couldn't help myself. Hope everyone's well :)

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@ 9:30 PM; back to the top

First timerApril 26, 2010

I just replayed the video, and it's pretty boring :s
Anyway, for those of us with upcoming exams, study smart, eat properly and make sure you get enough sleep :) All the best!

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Slurpee, anyone? (IMAGE HEAVY)April 25, 2010

These are all unedited candids from the day we shot our Slurpee videos a couple of weeks ago. Sure, we didn't win, but we all had a lot of fun in the making and gained our first experience of a sort of scripted skit thing, if you know what I mean. From that, we decided that we would definitely like to do it again. Youtubers by the likes of Natalie Tran of communitychannel must enjoy making videos because we did while making ours.

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@ 8:47 PM; back to the top

BleepApril 9, 2010
I won't be online for the next two weeks, so leave me some love on Formspring and I'll get back to you as soon as I do.

While I'm gone, enjoy these talented lovelies :) hahaha I love how long it takes for them to think of the English words for "spare time".


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@ 9:43 AM; back to the top

Heart skipped a beatApril 7, 2010

With a math test tomorrow and a bio test the next day, now's not exactly the best time to get a sudden burst of inspiration. A few hours ago, I was struck with what I believe to be a brilliant idea, and I can't wait to get it down on paper. I just spent way too much time surfing the Internet in an attempt to enhance the picture I have in my head instead of preparing for those tests!

By the way, if anyone is looking for some really cool music, check out The xx. Try giving Stars or Shelter a listen :)

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@ 8:55 PM; back to the top

Let's talk numbersApril 5, 2010
Trials: 10 days away
Real exams: 43 days away
Sharani family reunion: 75 days away
End of A levels: approximately 10 months away

They say that there's a light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope there is because it sure is a dark in here.

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